i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I have aggressive nipples.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
