booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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