don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize
