does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
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I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
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I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
How does it feel to date your dad?
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
I love you.
Bad choice
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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