we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
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