THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
