Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
