My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Randomize
