belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
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