My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
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