Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
