He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Randomize
