She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Randomize