My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize
