It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.