It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
either way he was missing a nipple.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Randomize
