Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
I used to kick so much ass
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.