I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
