I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Randomize
