Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Randomize
