Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
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You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
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