Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
There r osticjed everywhere
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
