Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
