Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I just forgot I was standing up.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Randomize
