i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
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