I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
