I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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