im drinking this country out of the recession.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Randomize
