I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Randomize
