How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize
