he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
