I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Randomize
