WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
dude. I can hear the air.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
