i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
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