So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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