The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Randomize
