so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
