I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
