apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Randomize
