YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
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