R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Randomize
