Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
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