She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
