I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Randomize
