talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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