He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
