How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
