Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
