Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Randomize
