Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
