she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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