i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
they need to just BURY HIM!
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Randomize