i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
