That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
