I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
you never un-have a 4some
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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