I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
