Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize
