just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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