You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
