mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Randomize
