3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
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