their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
