you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
