I must be too annoying 4 u.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Randomize
