I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
