Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
