Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
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I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
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Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
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