i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
