im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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