He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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