That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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