Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
and you fell through a lawn chair
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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