He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Randomize
