I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
