I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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