I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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