my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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