i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
