I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
I want her autograph on my taint
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
