can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Randomize
