my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
