May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Randomize
