How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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