Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
