We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Randomize
