90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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